No one knows failure like I do. No one has despised failure like I do. No one has enjoyed failure like I did.
If I am the quintessential lost child in the park, then failure is the kind guy who took me by the hand, promised to lead me to my mother, took me to a bench in the quiet corner, pulled my pants down, forced himself on me, and sodomized me while taunting and whispering dirty-nothings in my ear. I could feel the acrid smell of his breath on my neck. I could feel my helplessness. I could feel the hot flushes and the pain. I could feel my soul being gnawed at and torn to shreds. I cried out loud. I tried to defend myself, but all in vain. Failure did his job and left me in shame, a shame that devoured me.
That is how intimately I have known Failure.
I have failed as a child. My parents though from a very modest financial background had built high expectations from their son, but I took a wreaking ball to them, dashed them. I was good student, but never did touch the rarefied lofty circles that everyone expected of me. I dashed the hopes of my teachers too. I failed the first time.
I passed out of college with a first class as did thousands of others. Most of my friends went on to become Chartered accountants while some took up management studies. I turned to my parents for money and they did not have any. I never did pursue other options. I was never aware of student loans. I was such a fool. I settled for some no-brainer job. I then failed a second time.
My sister got married. I couldn't do a lot of things I had dreamed for her wedding. I couldn't be a good big brother for her. I couldn't make things right for her. I failed a third time.
I got married. Whatever they tell you about marriage, it is all true. It's love + compromise + adjustment + desire. It is about understanding your spouse, knowing them deeply, and taking the efforts to keep them happy. It is about learning to live with each other setting aside one's ego, and loving the other person for what they are. I made lots of promises to my wife and I wanted to do them all for her, but somehow I have not been able to. I failed a fourth time.
I failed to be a good son, a good student, a good brother, and a good husband. My failures haunt me, they laugh at me, they taunt me, and they leave me in pain. Fate has stricken me down and I have turned to God for help, but I guess he was busy somewhere else. No grudges there. I know I will stand up again, I know I will fight my destiny, I know I won't give in so easily - I just wish I was not alone.....
If I am the quintessential lost child in the park, then failure is the kind guy who took me by the hand, promised to lead me to my mother, took me to a bench in the quiet corner, pulled my pants down, forced himself on me, and sodomized me while taunting and whispering dirty-nothings in my ear. I could feel the acrid smell of his breath on my neck. I could feel my helplessness. I could feel the hot flushes and the pain. I could feel my soul being gnawed at and torn to shreds. I cried out loud. I tried to defend myself, but all in vain. Failure did his job and left me in shame, a shame that devoured me.
That is how intimately I have known Failure.
I have failed as a child. My parents though from a very modest financial background had built high expectations from their son, but I took a wreaking ball to them, dashed them. I was good student, but never did touch the rarefied lofty circles that everyone expected of me. I dashed the hopes of my teachers too. I failed the first time.
I passed out of college with a first class as did thousands of others. Most of my friends went on to become Chartered accountants while some took up management studies. I turned to my parents for money and they did not have any. I never did pursue other options. I was never aware of student loans. I was such a fool. I settled for some no-brainer job. I then failed a second time.
My sister got married. I couldn't do a lot of things I had dreamed for her wedding. I couldn't be a good big brother for her. I couldn't make things right for her. I failed a third time.
I got married. Whatever they tell you about marriage, it is all true. It's love + compromise + adjustment + desire. It is about understanding your spouse, knowing them deeply, and taking the efforts to keep them happy. It is about learning to live with each other setting aside one's ego, and loving the other person for what they are. I made lots of promises to my wife and I wanted to do them all for her, but somehow I have not been able to. I failed a fourth time.
I failed to be a good son, a good student, a good brother, and a good husband. My failures haunt me, they laugh at me, they taunt me, and they leave me in pain. Fate has stricken me down and I have turned to God for help, but I guess he was busy somewhere else. No grudges there. I know I will stand up again, I know I will fight my destiny, I know I won't give in so easily - I just wish I was not alone.....
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