Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Emotions and Shit

I dread feeling happy now 
because happiness is very shallow 
like the calm before the storm
the silence before the outburst
the purring before the growl

Don't take me wrong
don't call me a pessimist
I cannot help feeling sad when I am happy
because it is only sadness that I have ever known
Hurt has been my constant companion
Distress has been one of the mistresses
And worry has been the dog that snipes at my ankle

I dread feeling happy 
because I know it is not for real
When I am happy, I wait
for the axe to fall and cut it to pieces
That is when I am really happy
looking down upon the sorry bits 
What had been a beautiful cloth
is lying now in tatters
I clap my hands in glee and laugh
because i have been proven true 
For I knew it was not permanent
now that it has died, I rejoice

I dread looking back
I know what I would find
In the pond of self pity
am dancing in glee
slowly sinking into despair
but then I don't think I can be saved
because I dread feeling happy

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